My very first blog post is entitled “A bit about where I come from”. Subsequently I detail my journey of recovering from a trauma. In all my posts, I fail to succinctly describe who I truly am. In a state of flux there is no normal other than change. How could I possibly see a state of staticity? Through numerous mental battles, I believe that I have finally come to a point of owning who I am and I would like to share it.

Describing myself in one sentence is simply this – I am not a person who does anything in half measures.

[Side note: My formal education in Maths screams at me right now simply because you cannot define a hypothesis through a converse i.e. a hypothesis must be defined in the affirmative 😊]

Fine! Here I go again...

Who am I? I am committed.

I say this with so much conviction and confidence because I know, like I know, like I know, that there isn’t a single person who walks this earth who can say that I never gave my all into what brought us together.

To validate my hypothesis let me go straight to the fun bit – the outliers…

I’ll start with my two ex-husbands. They could claim that I was not committed to my respective marriages. They both will make that statement purely based on the outcome of our marriages – divorce. But there is so much more. For the five years that I was married (five years to husband number 1 and then five years with Peter), I was the most committed wife. I supported, valued, loved, and most of all, I was a friend to my respective husbands. I made the commitment to honour them and I did. I financially supported, I acted when they asked me to change, I gave them what they valued! When they broke our marriage vow, I became fully committed to a life without them. I warned them both and I have stayed true to my word. I told them both that once I make the decision to no longer wake up next to them, there is nothing that they could do to change my mind. Hence, in both cases, our divorces were swift – three months undid the respective five years.

The last potential outlier would be Trillian. I am sure that the leadership of that company would claim that I was disgruntled and was seeking greater financial reward. I remind them that I acted within a 24-hour window of the Bank of Baroda incident. I acted swiftly, confidently and decisively. I left! And after I left, I consistently did the right thing by supporting efforts to end state capture.

To me, these examples should be enough to prove my hypothesis… I stayed committed despite the consequences. My divorces led to financial ruin and making a conscious decision to be unemployed has not helped that! My decisions have resulted in great loss. I find myself broke, single and traumatised.

But I am not these things. I am committed.

Further validation of my hypothesis…

My first job was the position of business development manager for a seismology company. I was not and am not a seismologist. I worked for ISS International for about 18 months and in that time, I established a remote outsourced seismic monitoring capability for clients based in Australia, Finland, Canada and South Africa. Geez! I was fresh out of varsity and I did that 😊 in addition and knowing nothing about seismicity, I developed an algorithm that determined planes of weakness (man-made fault lines) for open pit mines. My algorithm helped in preventing slope failure for major commodities – platinum, diamonds and coal. The only thing that helped in my success was my commitment. It was not my studies (Physics, Maths and Computational Physics) and I had no work experience prior. I left Cape Town to be closer to my support network.

Arriving in Johannesburg, I knew nothing about financial modelling and five years later, I found myself presented the operating cost estimate for a $2,0 billion investment for Anglo American and received a standing ovation for my work.

I am committed to being the best mother for Chloe’. Although the verdict is still out on this one, I can already see how deep and strong my daughter’s roots are. The fruit from her tree is going to be glorious 😊

In 2018 I knew nothing about forensic investigations. After 3 months I was presenting my work to Minister Pravin Gordhan and again, received accolades for my work product. I have since become a ‘go to’ person for both the NPA and SIU.

I am a committed home owner. I have learnt that all single moms can fix anything with duct tape and cable ties 😊 although I can not refurbish my home, it is safe and comfortable for all those whom I welcome into it. Most importantly, it is mine and no one can take it away! I have planted every plant, every blade of grass. I have washed every window and “fixed” everything that has broken. I wont stop.

When I met Tush and BB, I didn’t know what true friendship is nor did I realise the work it would take to make our friendship work. It’s three decades later and these two amazing siblings are still in my corner 😊

Again, I will say this; I do not do anything in half measures. I am committed.

I am a coloured divorcee squared, a single mom and unemployed.

On the surface of things, it may seem like I don’t have much at the moment. Even by my standards, at forty, I should have been in a different place. But hey, I have the resolve of a supernova – that’s enough for me. The big bang is yet to come 😊

Ps, the pic for this post is the supernova that my niece painted for me for my 40th 😊

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